My father was a doctor. Not a kid doctor-an old people doctor. So he didn't doctor us, but insisted that my mom, Coco, haul my brothers and me to the pediatrician for annual physicals.
Every year, Coco dutifully tricked us into her station wagon under some false promise. "We're all going to the movies, yippee!" Then she'd cheerfully lie to us as she drove, until one of us smelled a rat and screamed, "We're not going to the movies! We're going to the doctor!"
Oh, the injustice of it all.
We pleaded. We cried. Boy, did we cry! Red puffy eyes, wet salty cheeks, snot bubbling from our noses-the whole deal. We'd been to the doctor. We had experience. We had good reason to be scared witless.
At the doctor's office, we sat nervously in the waiting room pretending to read Highlights Magazine, trying to control our sobs. We watched innocent and mostly good little children emerge from the examining room with tears streaming down their cheeks.
"McLeod boys," Nurse Curtis called, summoning us into the examining room.
I dove for the carpet and put a death grip on the leg of my chair. While my younger brothers watched, Coco tugged me loose, threatening to dock my allowance.
In the examining room, Nurse Curtis instructed us to strip down to our Fruit-of-the-Looms. The doctor will be in shortly, she said. Nurse Curtis left the room while Coco arranged us in birth order. As the oldest, I was to "go first."
"Sammy," Coco begged. "You're the oldest and I expect you to set a good example for your brothers. Remember last time we came to the doctor? When you fainted out there in the waiting room? We're not having fainting this year. You got that?"
"Yes'm, but..."